The Local Tea Party

The pen is mightier than the sword and all ok, but don't try to fight with a pen. Otherwise there will be ink all over you.

20.12.2012 

In case the world is ending tomorrow, I want to leave some tips and tricks for the future humans, so that they are not repeating the same mistakes and bringing the same fate to themselves. (At least let them live happily forever, no?)

TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

If you are reading this means, congratulations on inhabiting the earth once again. We humans rock. (To hell with cockroaches.) But before you start celebrating, you have to learn from past experience. Below, you will be finding some things we learnt while we rocked the planet ‘lyk nething’. I hope you use the below information correctly to ensure your continued presence on the planet.

1. Find the following two objects wherever they are and destroy hide them immediately

            a. Harris Jeyaraj music CDs

            b. Akshay Kumar movie DVD/CD/Bluray/Torrents

Also, never ever refer to them as ‘classics’. Some people used to do that and we are wondering ki if that is one reason the world ended. You don’t do the same mistake and bring the same fate upon yourselves. This is a second chance for humans. Please make use of it.

2. One clarification. There are no boyfriends in engineering college. There are no girls in engineering college. FYI.

3. No need to keep blaming the British for everything. Forgive them. They are already suffering till their last breath. Because Prince Charles is still Prince. Hahaha.

4. Never eat dosa with spoon and fork. (We think this is the number one reason the world wanted to end itself.)

5. If you are finding maps of countries or states, burn them. No need for boundaries. There is nothing called patriotism. Not required. We were test firing missiles all the time and forgot about diabetes. No need to prove that where you were born is the best place in the whole world when you had no control over that fact.

6. If you are male, try the following two things with a woman.

            a. Look into her eyes while talking

            b. Win an argument.

If you are able to achieve any/all of this means please leave a record for the future generations.

7. Test cricket is dying. Save it.

8. If you find grammar-nazis, kidnap them. Learn from them, but don’t let them out on the streets.

9. Don’t wear shoes (especially sports shoes) without socks. Ever.

10. We used to make fun of people based on what they read. I mean, ladies were reading books that nobody has even heard of, man! Where they found such books we didn’t know. And the tragedy in those books, uff! Too much crying. But it was so much fun making fun.

11. They used to make fun of people based on what book they followed. It was not fun. Better you avoid such things.

12. You don’t have to be honest all the time. If you break a neighbour’s window while playing cricket, run.

13. If you like someone means tell them. You never know when the world will end again. Even if it does not end, somebody will make a stupid movie out of the story and will call it ‘love story of the millennium’ etc etc. Better to avoid such complications.

14. Don’t put emotional status message updates. Somebody will say ‘k’ and you will think they are insensitive and you will be more emotionally upset.

15. Laugh. This is easier said than done only, but the world itself has ended and you are still around. What more reason you want to laugh at everything thrown at you?

Yours truly,

1 year ago
  1. preetikasharma reblogged this from localparty and added:
    #4 & #5 make so much sense. Also, no emotional status updates, ok?
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