See, we were all very happy and nice people only. Basically, we were killing each other but nobody was bothered anyway. Then suddenly the British fellows landed and saw ki, arey, these barbarians are killing each other. We must stop them. We must only kill them.
So thinking like this, they happily parked their ships and came inside. Our people thought ki they were selling Fair and Lovely cream and said ‘Please come please come’. Suddenly those fellows are showing their guns! Arey! Then we put one compromise and said ‘Ok ok, don’t shoot, now take that land and put factory there.’
Then they did lot of nonsense things to India (that and all is not important now). They suddenly realised ki they can make more money out of BBC documentaries about India than actually staying here. So these fellows left and immediately told the BBC only one word. BBC used this word and made unimaginable incomes for Her Majesty. That word was ‘Malaria’.
Arey British fellows, when you leave you can leave simply no? You idiots left behind some stupid practices that are torturing us day in and day out.
Then what man? For centuries we are comfortably looking at the Sun and doing our jobs. Suddenly you came here and told ki, ‘From today, 1 day = 24 hours = 1440 minutes = 86400 seconds. Ok?’
We didn’t want to be rude and as always, we shook our head and said ‘Oh that aa, that we already know’ and then went away. And then forgot about it. How can we remember such stupid division of time? Why else you think the whole world is complaining ki ‘Indians are never on time, Indians are never on time’.
Boss, for centuries, we are living a normal life and we are respecting the power and awe and beauty of Time. Suddenly you want to take all of Time and compress it inside your watch means how it will work? For us it always between two events in time. Between sunrise and noon. Between noon and sunset.
In your country people are unemployed means you are sitting and putting 60 lines inside the dial. And then to make use of it, you will come and say ‘Let us meet at exactly 5.43 this evening’ means we should obey is it? Not possible. We have thousand and one tasks on hand. We can’t change our biological clock for you and all.
One small island sitting in some nonsense part of the world and commanding everybody else ki, ‘We are the standard timekeepers called GMT. Your time will be plus or minus our time. Ok?’. That and all we can’t listen. We cannot run to your tick-tocks. We have our own concept of time. And we will do things slowly only.
If I am not able to do anything, my children will fulfil it for me. That’s all! Anyhow half the children in this country are saying they are fulfilling their parents’ wishes. Arey what is the hurry, boss? Why you want to finish everything in this birth itself?
If we are not able to complete anything this birth means, we will do it the next birth! That’s all! Anyway so many births are there.
What you are going to achieve running against the time? However early you leave the stupid traffic is the same only. That again you British fellows’ fault only.
We were happily moving about in the roads. Suddenly you are putting the lanes and traffic lights and asking us to obey means who will obey? That is why, even if there is red signal we are still happily roaming around in the road as if nothing happened. And then you will say ‘Indians have no road sense at all!’
Boss, you don’t tell us ok? We had roads before you itself. But we had bullock carts and those animals are color blind. You put coloured traffic lights in front of them means how they will obey the lights yaar? So we were like, ‘Screw it. Let the lights be there for formality. Come let us go. Hai drrrr….’
And we are doing totally fine! For that also your BBC fellows will say ‘There is a method to the madness in this country’. Some nonsense you are talking. Anyway.
The bottom line is you came here and screwed us all. See what you did to our education? Some nonsense concept you introduced and all the beautiful artistic people like jeweller, carpenter, singer, dancer, weaver, farmer all want their children to study engineering. Arey!
Like this only you screwed our economy, resources and destroyed and looted everything that came in your way and went off. See where we are right now? All because of you British fellows only.
But what our forefather fellows were doing all this while only I never understood?
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